When You’re Down On One Knee
“To be honest, when I got down on one knee to propose to you I didn’t feel the butterflies that Disney movies train you to expect or feel the crazy passionate ‘I must have this girl’ feeling that Hollywood shows. Instead, it was as if I felt the ‘me’ that I had been up until that moment—the single and somewhat selfish Ben—stay standing, while the new ‘me + Kaylin’ got down on one knee. It was the most humbling moment. No matter how much you go through it in your head, until you actually get down on one knee, look up at the woman you love, and offer to serve her for the rest of your life, you just can’t know what it really means to die to yourself for the sake of another. And afterwards you half expect to ride off happily into the sunset, but it wasn’t like that at all. It was much simpler. It was us looking into each other’s eyes and making a decision together—a promise.”
I have always thought about this moment, the moment where my Prince Charming would get down on one knee and propose to love me for the rest of our lives. However, I never understood the reality of this loving sacrifice until I asked what this big moment was like through the eyes of my new fiancé.
I am sharing this story with you not to broadcast my engagement but because our world needs more love in it. It needs to hope and believe in love again. And it needs more wake-up calls to the reality of what love is and what it means to sacrifice for the one you love. This moment was a wake-up call for me.
On Holy Saturday, just over a week ago, Benjamin (my boyfriend of over 3 years) asked for my hand in marriage. He had planned a hot air balloon ride and just as we were taking off into the sky, he was going to propose to me while two of my long-time friends were going to hold a sign saying ‘Say Yes’ below us on the ground.
However, the Colorado winds prevented the balloons from going up that day and, unknowingly to me, he had to switch to plan B. So we headed up to Fort Collins—the town where we went to college and had met—to get some coffee and stop by the university parish where we had practically lived for most of our college careers. Ben sent my two friends ahead of us to decorate the exact spot in the Church where we had first been introduced over 4 years ago.
We walked into the church to rose petals and lit candles leading up to that very spot. As everything began to click in my brain and my heart began to pound like crazy, he put his arm around me, said something about being nervous (which only increased my own nerves and excitement), and got down on his left knee. All I could say was, “This is really happening!” Then he asked if I would agree to marry him and allow him to, with God, love and serve me for the rest of his life. The moment concluded with me saying “Yea..I mean Yes! Yes!” and my friends jumping out with his sign and the celebrations began.
When the shock and shaking wore off, I had the indescribable realization that I am engaged to my best friend! Best Easter ever. Looking back, I could not imagine a better proposal to start this new journey for us towards marriage.
The fact that it was Holy Saturday that he proposed was so symbolic for me because it was the day after Good Friday (the day we remember that true love is Christ on the cross, and that love means being willing to give everything for the good of the one you love), and the day before Easter Sunday (the day we celebrate and rejoice over the good that God brings about through such a sacrificial love). It was as if we were entering deeply into Christ’s call to die to self for the sake of each other and for all the good that He has planned to bring about through our love.
From the way he proposed and how he described it to me afterwards, I could not have felt more secure in his love for me, more certain of his commitment to love me forever, or more deeply loved than I did. Don’t get me wrong, we both have felt the butterflies at many different points in our relationship and still do. However, feelings fade, while love does not. Making such a big decision in a moment of sober love, compared to in a moment of intense emotional feelings, ended up being exactly what my heart longed for.
I am so excited to be a bride-to-be and can’t wait to plan our wedding! But most importantly I can’t wait for all of the adventures ahead with my best friend by my side as we build a home and life together.